Thoughts to Ponder:
We're all a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
~ Dr. Seuss
This is a wonderful expression that reminds us 1) that we're all weird, 2) everyone else has problems too, and 3) we're going to have problems with each other. It also illustrates that compatibility "on paper" isn't a life-death sentence between you and your partner(s) and is hardly the whole story (of life and love).
Rather, there's a co-creation of "mutual weirdness" – and I'd add a bonding to and in that – that escalates a (statistical) compatibility to a loving partnership. "Normal" is a statistical regression towards the mean. That is, normal is quite infrequently encountered "in the wild." Statistically speaking, the mean is not the mode (most commonly occurring result).
What's more, is that if you cannot own or love your specific weirdness without your partner, being with them won't make it so and will undoubtedly raise it's head in uglier ways down the road. Has getting married ever fixed anyone's relationship problems? No. Has having a child ever fixed anyone's relationship problems? Still no.
That's because there are currents and tides within our psyches and respective communions. You have you problems. I have me problems. Together we have we problems. When those things align in a complimentary way that becomes the cherry on the cake (or butter on the steak) rather than the main course; we have a beautiful process called love.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.
~ Sigmund Freud
Gaslighting. The term itself has been quite flippantly used over the past two years. Jocko recently said on Rogan; "Do you ever just look at (listen to) some people and wonder if they're watching the same movie (life) as you?"
We need diversity in our relationship roles and goals. It's not fair to expect your partner to also be your therapist and rabbi. We have designated titles like coach, priest, teacher, counselor, doctor, etc. for good reason. They serve different functions in our lives, and us for them.
Now, there is plenty to say about current global politics regarding those most ardently screaming "we're in this together" and "it's for the good of everyone" doing so with vicious and vindictive tenacity quite becoming of what they're allegedly protesting. At any rate, all of these examples illustrate that (social) context is quite impactful on our internal (e)valuation and identity.
Clearly, we cannot be under and see through the proverbial microscope at the same time. Thus, partners, preachers, and therapists alike provide ample points and perspectives of reflection both of ourselves and unique input from outside ourselves. If these perspectives are limited to a certain niche (the political left or right for example), the internalized message we embody for and of ourselves can be quite misleading.
After all, the feedback we receive is only as robust as the perspective of the source it's coming from. So too then it becomes true of our own self-efficacy.
Things I'm Grateful For:
Rather than rattle off a dozen bullet points I'd like to reserve this segment for a thing or two that I've been particularly moved by and mindful of in the past week.
- Mentors, Guides, and Friends: Recently I had my one year anniversary of private practice. Though I've been practicing clinically for 6 years or so, this was my first year in the private sector. I'm incredibly grateful to be working with people that not only allow, but encourage me to learn, train, and practice to the best of my ability. Of course, I would not have had the insight and directiveness for those pursuits had it not been for the great (peer and professional) mentors who have guided me along the way. Some, as the expression goes, for a reason, others for a season, and others still for a lifetime.
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